my boring life

benvenuto in Italia

2006-01-23T01:58:00Z

Will she finally make her fantasy come true of hooking up with a real Italian man? Possibly. What I am referring to is Lorenzo, a man who works in fine jewelry at Macy's. And he's from Italy. Therefore he still has an Italian accent. Whenever he talks I melt, due to this accent. Plus I keep catching him staring at me, so there is a possibility he wants my stuff back. But, as always, I don't have the balls to strike up conversation with the guy. D'oh.

Happy Snow-day!!!

2005-12-04T15:41:42Z

(Get it...instead of Sunday...Heh heh.)

So yesterday I did not have to sit on Santa's lap. I suspect that Eliana didn't think that Santa was real. It was still a fun day...We make kick-ass stockings for our dogs, played bongos at Sam Ash, then went back to my house and played with her new Barbie horse, and played Blues Clues (ask me how to play that if you are really curious)!!!

Needless to say, after spending five hours with a six year old, I was POOPED. So after she left I passed out.

Leaving me with laundry to do today!!!

Today's love horoscope:
A blast from the past will appear when you least expect it, and it might shake your newfound and hard-won romantic confidence to the core. Go ahead and shake, then reground yourself.
Oooh lala.

I am such a nerd.

2005-12-03T12:47:48Z

I am starting to send out my Christmas cards right now. I don't care if people think it's too early because I have the time now to do it. (Which is also why I'm wrapping my presents now!!!) So if you would like to be a part of my coveted Christmas card list, just give me your snail mail address.

In just a few hours from now I will be sitting on Santa's lap with Eliana, my 6 year old cousin. Hope we don't break his lap!!!

Today's love horoscope:
It's time to take responsibility for your own romantic life. You've been asking, 'Why me?' Instead, ask yourself, 'Why do I keep doing the same thing over and over again?' The answers will be illuminating.
(Courtesy of yahoo.com)
<3
The reason this is significant is because yesterday all this crazy stuff had been happening to me: First crazy stalker goth guy at work is STILL staring at me. Secondly this sleazy looking guy who works for Wyeth won't leave me alone. Thiridly, once I got home and was away from THOSE guys, my crazy ex-boyfriend called my house...AFTER I already told him I didn't want anything to do with him!!!
So naturally I did ask myself, "Why me?"

That's all I have right now...

R.I.P. Wendie Jo Sperber

2005-12-02T01:07:43Z

Dec 1, 1:36 PM (ET)

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Actress Wendie Jo Sperber, who starred opposite Tom Hanks on TV's "Bosom Buddies" and who in his words became "a walking inspiration" after she contracted cancer, has died. She was in her 40s.

Sperber died at home Tuesday after an eight-year battle with breast cancer, publicist Jo-Ann Geffen said Wednesday.

A Los Angeles native, Sperber appeared in dozens of television shows and movies, including all three "Back to the Future" films.

Her publicist first said Sperber was 46, but later said she was 43 based on an Internet resource. The Associated Press in September reported Sperber's age as 47.

Sperber also had roles in Steven Spielberg's "1941," Robert Zemeckis'"I Wanna Hold Your Hand," and Neal Israel's "Moving Violations" and "Bachelor Party." Her television credits include "Murphy Brown,""Private Benjamin,""Will & Grace" and "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter."

After being diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997, the actress became an advocate for cancer care. In 2001, she founded the weSPARK Cancer Support Center, which provides free emotional support, information and social activities for individuals and families affected by cancer.

Sperber helped unveil and promote a breast cancer stamp for the U.S. Postal Service in 1998, Geffen said.

"The memory of Wendie Jo is that of a walking inspiration," Hanks said in a statement. "She met the challenges of her illness with love, cheer, joy and altruism. We are going to miss her as surely as we are all better for knowing her."

Sperber is survived by a son and daughter, her parents, two sisters and a brother.

(Source: http://apnews.myway.com//article/20051201/D8E7K5J00.html)

I have a crazy story to share but I will save that for tomorrow.

I'm getting married!!!

2005-11-30T23:34:55Z

Psyche. This is a picture taken of me this past Saturday, with my mom's wedding veil on:

Nothing else is new...Well tomorrow I have an interview with Kohl's for a second job. Plus all my customers are assholes.

Plus I bought lots of presents for the man in my life...
=:~>

Today's love horoscope:

Sometimes it's just not enough to know what you want -- you have to go out there and get it, too. So if you've been eyeing some cutie, stop waiting for fate to throw them in your path. It's time to make your own luck.

Hmmm...

One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meetcha, I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha
I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around

One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna win ya
I'll getcha, I'll getcha
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha

And if the lights are all out
I'll follow your bus downtown
See who's hanging out

One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip, a slip of the lip or another
I'm gonna lose ya, I'm gonna trick ya
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya trick ya trick ya trick ya
One way or another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip

I'll walk down the mall
Stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all
Find out who ya call
Lead you to the supermarket checkout
Some specials and rat food, get lost in the crowd

One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha
getcha getcha
(Where I can see it all, find out who ya call)
One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha
getcha getcha
(Where I can see it all, find out who ya call)
One way or another I'm gonna getcha, I'll getcha, I'll getcha getcha
getcha getcha
(Where I can see it all, find out who ya call)

kimgordon @ 2005-11-29T16:58:00

2005-11-29T22:01:37Z

My latest obsession: Ken's Steakhouse Lite Italian Dressing

Almost makes me want to become a vegetarian!!!

yawn

2005-11-29T00:00:05Z

I am so pissed because I was just trying to take a nap and the obnoxious neighbor kid is outside sounding like a whipperwhill!!! Shet up!!! Before I was attempting to sleep I started wrapping Christmas presents, only to find that I have lost 3 of the presents I bought. But don't get me wrong, I am no where near done my Christmas shopping!!!

I was also disappointed to find out I did not win this Spuds Mackenzie t-shirt on ebay:

Yeah this day is not ending on a good note...Hopefully tomorrow will be better. *Wink* *Wink*

>^..^< Kim Gordon

This is what's new with me.

2005-10-17T00:12:19Z

Okay here is my attempt at a music review: Wednesday I bought Kanye West's newest album, Late Registration. I like it because it has a lot of retro music sample/clips/whatever, which comes standard with Kanye. I do however keep finding myself flipping through several certain songs and playing them over and over. Also I have nothing to say about his outburst on the Katrina tribute special on TV.

Right now I'm feeling blah because that is how I feel when I'm about to have my period. So if this reads like a 5 year old's vocabulary that is why. For the most party this weekend I bummed around since I felt blah. Yesterday I watched this murder mystery movie on Lifetime Movie Channel and I was EXTREMELY disappointed in the ending.

My full time job is quite chaotic right now and I want to leave sooo freaking bad. Especially now since I have this kind of stalker. I can't even stand this guy staring at me as he is walking by me!!! Remember those kids in high school who lurked around the school apart from everyone else, and they wore trench coats? Well he is one of those. But the thing that scares me the most is that he is obsessed with paintball, and I can't stop thinking what if he got his hands on a real gun. I just have to hope things will work out for me...

weekend of bliss

2005-09-04T23:20:34Z

Hats off to an extended weekend away from that shithole full time job!!! On Friday I celebrated getting two paychecks by purchasing two pillows for my feet: New Balance sneakers. I wore them to work Saturday and had no foot pain. Speaking of Saturday, everything was fine up till 6 pm when I had to work with this kiss ass chick from the kid's department of JC Penney. GAWD she's annoying. After work I passed out on my parent's bed with Sparky and never ate that microwave popcorn with him. Hopefully tonight we'll do that...I tell ya those neighbors of ours better stop taking their dogs out to go potty at 6 am. ESPECIALLY on the weekends!!!! I woke up to Sparky going back and forth with the little mutt next door. I then retreated to my room, and was then awakened by Nermil around 10:30. I haven't really done much of anything today except laundry and walking the bunny outside. That dude is fast!!! I'm looking for someone to show me how to clip his nails b/c they are scratching the hell outta me. And guess what---it doesn't tickle. As usual, there is no developments in the guy market. Not that I need a man to live or anything. I'm beginning to think actually that there is no guy out there for me. There was two men who I thought maybe something was gonna happen but the fuckers don't want to call me!!! Apparently that is too forward to give a guy your phone number. WTF. Apparently these guys are still living in the 1920's. So anyways one more day of this extended weekend. I work in the night time but at least I still get to sleep in!!! :-D

WASCILLY WABBIT!!!!

2005-08-11T00:41:55Z

Go to this web site and that is kind of what my rabbit looks like, but 10% less chubbier:
http://www.rpanimalshelter.org/artemis.jpg

I'm thinking of calling him Thurston Moore, and he most likely will have his own blog.

=:~>

I <3 Philadelphia!!!

2005-08-07T16:48:48Z

Okay so Friday night night and Saturday I hung out in Philly with my sister Rachel. If I would have planned better and had more time to pack an overnight bag, I probably would have stayed longer. I am totally in love with Philly!!! I always thought it was more of my niche because there is more musical happenings there, and now I know it's not just that. There is soooo much to do there. Tomorrow I have an interview with JC Penney for a second job. It would only be seasonal and I'm not even sure if I want to do it right now. At first I was thinking of doing both the back to school shopping season as well as the Christmas shopping season but now I'm thinking I don't want to do the back to school season so much since it's still nice outside. But also I could use the extra money...blah. I will just have to go to this interview and see what happens.
>^..^

the week of hell

2005-01-09T21:50:03Z

Let me just let you all know that so far 2005 is complete SHIT.

Here is a summary of my past week.

Sunday: Visit to Joan & Chris's house...Okay that was actually fun.
Monday: At work, co-worker calls out.
Tuesday: Work, co-worker calls out again. I kinda yelled at boss because she was confusing me.
Wednesday: Co-worker calls out AGAIN. Argh. Parents lecture me about finances.
Thursday: Guess what the co-worker did?!? Boss tells her to take Friday off too.
Friday: Minus one co-worker. After work, I got two [driving] tickets. But I did do a lot of job searching online that night...
Saturday: Weekend at last!!!

Eyes
Boring a way through me
Paralyse
Controlling completely
New
There is a fire in me
Fire that burns
Fire that burns

This fire is out of control
I'm going to burn this city
Burn this city
If this fire is out of control
Then i
I'm out of control
And i burn

Eyes
Burning a way to me
Overwhelm
Destroying so sweetly
New
There is a fire in me
Fire that burns
Fire that burns

This fire...
---Franz Ferdinand

I know this much is true

2004-02-03T04:04:05Z

1. Tomorrow I will fall into the Gap.
2. Guys are only hot in sweaters when I tell them to be.
3. Banana split cake is the shit.

If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake, baked a cake, baked a cake
If I knew you were comin' I'd've baked a cake
Howdya do, howdya do, howdya do?

tribute to george

2004-02-01T04:22:56Z

Life was looking down for me. I am extremely po'. Work is tiring me out. Everywhere I turn, I have to deal with immaturity; I feel like I'm surrounded by a day care center. But then he came along and has made life much sweeter in many different ways. When George is around I see the innocence and happiness in life. There are some good guys out there, ladies. They're just hard to find.

synopsis of the past couple of days

2004-01-27T04:42:30Z

Saturday, Sunday: Lost a best friend and soulmate and I don't even know why.
Monday: Found out I'm broke. Got my period.

Every day it gets a little harder, can't seem to get away.
I remember there's a certain place, a place I wish I'd stay.
I feel so lost within - pressured, I'm headed for that day.
Just one thought in my head, really. Do I need this fame?

Every time, god damn, I look at my son, I see something I can't be.
Beautiful and care free, that's how I used to be.
Like some god damn fucking freak, I'm so pressured, I'm so worried,
Something takes a hold of me, something I can't believe.

I lay in bed at night and wonder, should I go on this way?
It's the only thing I really got for now, and it's called fame.

me: and if he even considers trying to get back together w/ me there better be some flowers in the deal
me: a whole fucking greenhouse of them
blake: lol
blake: haha fuck yea

poem I was saving for Valentine's Day

2004-01-25T16:19:09Z

I wake up from dreaming of you
I don't want this day to end.
You're at my door with a kiss on your lips
I don't want this day to end.
Embraced together in front of the TV
Please don't let this day end.
---1/19/04 gla

Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Please believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
---bryan adams

kimgordon @ 2003-12-09T00:43:00

2003-12-09T05:44:52Z

I'm always too late
I see the train leaving
I'm always laughing
When it's not cool to smile

I'm always aiming
But somehow keep missing
So how did you get here
Something is wrong

Where did I go right
How did I get you
How come all this blue sky around me
And you found me
Where did I go right
How did I get you
I don't know how I did
But somehow now I do

I'm always driving
Forget where I'm going
Should have turned left
But I was singing some song
And I, I am arriving
As everyone's leaving
But there you are waiting
Something is wrong

Makes no sense to me
No it isn't clear
But somehow you're standing here
Something gets to me
It's that nothing is wrong

check out the rat

2003-12-07T17:07:51Z

http://hometown.aol.com/coolclaws7/myhomepage/personal.html

All I Want For Christmas

2003-12-07T16:16:54Z

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You

All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby.

Week's Summary (so far)

2003-12-06T06:18:08Z

Sunday: worked all day
Monday: I lost a best friend because his mom is Hitler
Tuesday: my hamster died
Wednesday: I got a baby rat
Thursday: named the rat MASTER SPLINTER
Friday: it's fucking snowing non-stop and work was a hellhole
@>>-------------------------------------
I'll have a Blue Christmas without you.
I'll be so blue thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
Won't mean a thing if you're not here with me.

I'll have a Blue Christmas that's certain.
And when that blue heartache starts hurtin'.
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas.
@>>-------------------------------------
Their anger hurts my ears
been running strong for seven years
rather than fix the problems
they never solve them
it makes no sense at all
I see them everyday
we get along, so why can't they?
if this is what he wants
and this is what she wants
then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
hope you enjoy it this time
you gave it all away
it was mine
so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night
twenty years now lost
it's not right

Futurama

2003-12-02T05:40:54Z

Today I applied to Montco, and looked into a degree in sociology. Basically with this degree, the pay is decent and the hours are most likely going to be 9 to 5. I would most likely work as a social worker but there is also the option of teaching. I have a hard time grasping the concept that a woman has to go through so many wrong men to get to the right one. If only I knew how many more I have to go through lol. But I can't really see myself ever getting married. Right now I'm just so cynical on the whole significant other category and I don't think Mr. Right/Soulmate/Knight in shining armor exists.

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

couldn't have said it better myself, tom

2003-11-28T19:19:34Z

And I'll miss your laugh, your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you tell me
I'm so sick of fights, I hate them
let's start this again for real

So here I am, I'm trying
so here I am, are you ready?
so here I am, I'm trying
so here I am, are you ready?

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always
kiss you, taste you, all night, always
come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always
kiss you, taste you, all night, always
*****************************************
Me: if there was a 25 year old version of mike i'd be set.
Blake: haha

I miss you

2003-11-26T19:53:53Z

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends (miss you miss you, miss you miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)

the song i listen to after a breakup

2003-11-25T11:17:03Z

11. The Diamond Sea

[Thurston]

Time takes its crazy toll
and how does your mirror grow
you better watch yourself when you jump into it
'cause the mirror's gonna steal your soul

I wonder how it came to be my friend
that someone just like you has come again
you'll never, never know how close you came
until you fall in love with the diamond rain

Throw all his trash away
look out he's here to stay
your mirror's gonna crack when he breaks into it
and you'll never never be the same

Look into his eyes and you can see
why all the little kids are dressed in dreams
I wonder how he's gonna make it back
when he sees that you just know it's make-belief

Blood crystalized as sand
and now I hope you'll understand
you reflected into his looking glass soul
and now the mirror is your only friend

Look into his eyes and you will see
that men are not alone on the diamond sea
sail into the heart of the lonely storm
and tell her that you'll love her eternally

Time takes its crazy toll
mirror fallin' off the wall
you better look out for the looking glass girl
'cause she's gonna take you for a fall

Look into his eyes and you shall see
why everything is quiet and nothing's free
I wonder how he's gonna make her smile
when love is running wild on the diamond sea

comic relief

2003-11-21T17:42:08Z

The Whore of Mensa
A Short Story by Woody Allen

THE CLIENT
One thing about being a private investigator, you've got to learn to go with your hunches. That's why when a quivering pat of butter named Word Babcock walked into my office and laid his cards on the table, I should have trusted the cold chill that shot up my spine.
"Kaiser?" he said. "Kaiser Lupowitz?"
"That's what it says on my license," I owned up.
"You've got to help me. I'm being blackmailed. Please!" He was shaking like the lead singer in a rumba band. I pushed a glass across the desk top and a bottle of rye I keep handy for nonmedicinal purposes.
"Suppose you relax and tell me all about it."
"You ... you won't tell my wife?"
"Level with me, Word. I can't make any promises." He tried pouring a drink, but you could hear the clicking sound across the street, and most of the stuff wound up in his shoes.
"I'm a working guy," he said. "Mechanical maintenance. I build and service joy buzzers. You know - those little fun gimmicks that give people a shock when they shake hands?"
"So?"
"A lot of your executives like 'em. Particularly down on Wall Street."
"Get to the point."
"I'm on the road a lot. You know how it is - lonely. Oh, not what you're thinking. See, Kaiser, I'm basically an intellectual. Sure, a guy can meet all the bimbos he wants. But the really brainy women - they're not so easy to find on short notice."
"Keep talking."
"Well, I heard of this young girl. Eighteen years old. A Yassar student. For a price, she'll come over and discuss any subject - Proust, Yeats, anthropology. Exchange of ideas. You see what I'm driving at?"
"Not exactly."
"I mean my wife is great, don't get me wrong. But she won't discuss Pound with me. Or Eliot. I didn't know that when I married her. See, I need a woman who's mentally stimulating, Kaiser. And I'm willing to pay for it. I don't want an involvement - I want a quick intellectual experience, then I want the girl to leave. Christ, Kaiser, I'm a happily married man."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Six months. Whenever I have that craving, I call Flossie. She's a madam, with a Master's in Comparative Lit. She sends me over an intellectual, see?"
So he was one of those guys whose weakness was really bright women. I felt sorry for the poor sap. I figured there must be a lot of jokers in his position, who were starved for a little intellectual communication with the opposite sex and would pay through the nose for it.
"Now she's threatening to tell my wife," he said.
"Who is?"
"Flossie. They bugged the motel room. They got tapes of me discussing The Waste Land and Styles of Radical Will, and, well, really getting into some issues. They want ten grand or they go to Carla. Kaiser, you've got to help me! Carla would die if she knew she didn't turn me on up here." The old call-girl racket. I had heard rumors that the boys at headquarters were on to something involving a group of educated women, but so far they were stymied.
"Get Flossie on the phone for me."
"What?"
"I'll take your case, Word. But I get fifty dollars a day, plus expenses. You'll have to repair a lot of joy buzzers." "It won't be ten G's worth, I'm sure of that," he said with a grin, and picked up the phone and dialed a number. I took it from him and winked. I was beginning to like him.

THE SETUP
Seconds later, a silky voice answered, and I told her what was on my mind. "I understand you can help me set up an hour of good chat," I said.
"Sure, honey. What do you have in mind?"
"I'd like to discuss Melville."
"Moby Dick or shorter novels?"
"What's the difference?"
"The price. That's all. Symbolism's extra."
"What'll it run me?"
"Fifty, maybe a hundred for Moby Dick. You want a comparative discussion - Melville and Hawthorne? That could be arranged for a hundred."
"The dough's fine," I told her and gave her the number of a room at the Plaza.
"You want a blonde or a brunette?"
"Surprise me," I said, and hung up.
"I shaved and grabbed some black coffee while I checked over the Monarch College Outline series. Hardly an hour had passed before there was a knock on my door. I opened it, and standing there was a young redhead who was packed into her slacks like two big scoops of vanilla ice cream.
"Hi, I'm Sherry." They really knew how to appeal to your fantasies. Long, straight hair, leather bag, silver earrings, no make-up.
"I'm surprised you weren't stopped, walking into the hotel dressed like that," I said. "The house dick can usually spot an intellectual."
"A five-spot cools him."
"Shall we begin?" I said, motioning her to the couch. She lit a cigarette and got right to it. "I think we could start by approaching Billy Budd as Melville's justification of the ways of God to man, n'est-ce pas?"
"Interestingly, though, not in a Miltonian sense." I was bluffing. I wanted to see if she'd go for it.
"No. Paradise Lost lacked the substructure of pessimism." She did.
"Right, right. God, you're right," I murmured.
"I think Melville reaffirmed the virtues of innocence in a naive yet sophisticated sense - don't you agree?" I let her go on. She was barely nineteen years old, but already she had developed the hardened facility of the pseudo-intellectual. She rattled off her ideas glibly, but it was all mechanical. Whenever I offered an insight, she faked a response: "Oh yes, Kaiser. Yes, baby, that's deep. A platonic comprehension of Christianity - why didn't I see it before?" We talked for about an hour and then she said she had to go. She stood up and I laid a C-note on her.
"Thanks, honey."
"There's plenty more where that came from."
"What are you trying to say?" I had piqued her curiosity. She sat down again.
"Suppose I wanted to have a party?" I said.
"Like, what kind of a party?"
"Suppose I wanted Noam Chomsky explained to me by two girls?"
"Oh, wow."
"If you'd rather forget it..."
"You'd have to speak with Flossie," she said. "It's cost you." Now was the time to tighten the screws. I flashed my private- investigator's badge and informed her it was a bust.
"What!"
"I'm fuzz, sugar, and discussing Melville for money is an 802. You can do time."
"You louse!"
"Better come clean, baby. Unless you want to tell your story down at Alfred Kazin's office, and I don't think he'd be too happy to hear it."
She began to cry. "Don't turn me in, Kaiser," she said. "I needed the money to complete my Master's. I've been turned down for a grant. Twice. Oh, Christ."
It all poured out - the whole story. Central Park West upbringing, Socialist summer camps, Brandeis. She was every dame you saw waiting in line at the Elgin or the Thalia, or penciling the words 'Yes, very true' into the margin of some book on Kant. Only somewhere along the line she had made a wrong turn.
"I needed cash. A girl friend said she knew a married guy whose wife wasn't very profound. He was into Blake. She couldn't hack it. I said sure, for a price I'd talk Blake with him. I was nervous at first. I faked a lot of it. He didn't care. My friend said there were others. Oh, I've been busted before. I got caught reading Commentary in a parked car, and I was once stopped and frisked at Tanglewood. Once more and I'm a three time loser."
"Then take me to Flossie."
She bit her lip and said, "The Hunter College Book Store is a front."
"Yes?"
"Like those bookie joints that have barbershops outside for show. You'll see."
I made a quick call to headquarters and then said to her, "Okay, sugar. You're off the hook. But don't leave town."
"She tilted her face up toward mine gratefully. "I can get you photographs of Dwight Macdonald reading," she said.
"Some other time."

FLOSSIE'S
I walked into the Hunter College Book Store. The salesman, a young man with sensitive eyes, came up to me. "Can I help you?" he said.
"I'm looking for a special edition of Advertisements for Myself. I understand the author had several thousand gold-leaf copies printed up for friends."
"I'll have to check," he said. "We have a WATS line to Mailer's house."
I fixed him with a look. "Sherry sent me," I said.
"Oh, in that case, go on back." he said. He pressed a button. A wall of books opened, and I walked like a lamb into that bustling pleasure palace known as Flossie's. Red flocked wallpaper and a Victorian decor set the tone. Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively. A blonde with a big smile winked at me, nodded toward a room upstairs, and said, "Wallace Stevens, eh?" But it wasn't just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could "relate without getting close." For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. For one-fifty, you could listen to FM radio with twins. For three bills, you got the works: A thin Jewish brunette would pretend to pick you up at the Museum of Modern Art, let you read her master's, get you involved in a screaming quarrel at Elaine's over Freud's conception of women, and then fake a suicide of your choosing - the perfect evening, for some guys. Nice racket. Great town, New York.
"Like what you see?" a voice said behind me. I turned and suddenly found myself standing face to face with the business end of a .38. I'm a guy with a strong stomach, but this time it did a back flip. It was Flossie, all right. The voice was the same, but Flossie was a man. His face was hidden by a mask.
"You'll never believe this," he said, "but I don't even have a college degree. I was thrown out for low grades."
"Is that why you wear that mask?"
"I devised a complicated scheme to take over The New York Review of Books, but it meant I had to pass for Lionel Trilling. I went to Mexico for an operation. There's a doctor in Juarez who gives people Trilling's features - for a price. Something went wrong. I came out looking like Auden, with Mary McCarthy's voice. That's when I started working the other side of the law."
"Quickly, before he could tighten his finger on the trigger, I went into action. Heaving forward, I snapped my elbow across his jaw and grabbed the gun as he fell back. He hit the ground like a ton of bricks. He was still whimpering when the police showed up.
"Nice work, Kaiser," Sergeant Holmes said. "When we're through with this guy, the F.B.I. wants to have a talk with him. A little matter involving some gamblers and an annotated copy of Dante's Inferno. Take him away, boys." Later that night, I looked up an old account of mine named Gloria. She was blond. She had graduated cum laude. The difference was she majored in physical education. It felt good.